Little Red Riding Hood
by Polar Red
Summary: Little Red has to deliver tomatoes to her grandmother, but a wolf is more interested in eating her badass grandmother instead. Rated T for Grandmano's wonderful language. Oneshot.


Once upon a time, in a forest lived a cute little girl called Bella. She was also always wearing a red hood, so she was also called Red Riding Hood. Her mother sent her off to deliver some tomatoes to her Grandpa/ma?(I have no clue). The cheery girl was soon on her way, and waved goodbye to her beloved mother.

"Bella, remember to look out for strangers!" She called.

"Got it, ma!" Bella replied. It wasn't like she was going to run into a wolf or anything.

At last, she departed, and made her way to a fork in the trails. The young girl scratched her head with much confusement. Her mother had told her to take the trail of the needle, but she never told which one was which. She sat down onto the soft dirt and buried her head into her hands. Both her Grandmother? and mother would both be furious if she was late.

At last, a wolf with spiky hair appeared. "Are you lost?" he asked sweetly.

Bella looked up and nodded. "Which path is the way of the needle?"

"Where are you going?"

"To my grandmother's cottage! Do you know it?"

The massive gray wolf pointed to the way of the nail. "That's a shortcut, and there are some lovely tomatoes growing there. Why don't you go down that path instead? " He suggested.

"But I have tomatoes already. I can't pick anymore!" Little Red pouted. "But I guess I'll go down that path! Thank you very much!"

"NONONONO! You musn't!" The wolf yelled.

"Why not?"

"Um...err...BECAUSE YOU HAVE RUN OUT OF TOMATOES!" He panicked, picking up the basket and spilled out the tomatoes. "My hand slipped."

Bella was fuming. "My Grandmother won't be happy! How did you know I would run out of tomatoes?" she asked curiously.

"Er..."

"Nevermind that! I need new tomatoes!"

And with that, Little Red treaded down the way of the nail, which in reality, took much longer than the path of the needle. There were thorn bushes on every corner, rats crawling about, and fallen logs everywhere. But it was true there were the reddest tomatoes you could find in the whole forest, found out of range of the rats.

"Oh my! I knew I could trust that wolf! Look at these tomatoes! Nanna will be very pleased!" Bella squealed, plucking the ripest tomatoes there were. A few minutes passed, and her basket was already half full. A rat then found the young girl in the dangerous route, and crawled up onto her leg, with the intention of telling her to go back.

…...

It didn't take long for the rat to be squashed flat with the Bella's heel.

* * *

><p>Meanwhile, the wolf wanted to make himself a quick snack and headed down the way of the needle, searching for a cottage in sight. There he spotted one, on the edge of the river. It looked worn down, for the door looked a bit rotted. Beside the door rested a small tomato garden. There was smoke rising from the chimney which signaled that the grandmother was present.<p>

The wolf knocked on the door, and mustered up the most childish voice he could make. "Nanna? I am here, with the tomatoes, may I enter?"

He continued waiting for an answer from the presumed weak old grandmother.

"Come in" A voice replied. However it didn't sound the least bit like an old woman. Instead it sounded a man with an Italian accent. But the wolf did not care and disregarded this. Dumbass.

He opened the door and shifted his eyes to find someone in a dress and nightcap, swinging back and forth on a rocking chair near the fireplace. Quickly, the wolf approached the so called "woman" and whispered into "her" ear, "You're going to make an excellent snack."

"THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?" The 'grandmother' yelled. When 'she' swung back, the wolf was met with a gun. To the face.

"WAIT WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTT?" The wolf screeched, horrified. "Guns weren't even invented in the time this story takes place in!"

"Screw the rules, I'M GRANDMANO!" Grandmano proceeded to step on the wolf's throat, and pointed the large gun at the wolf's head.

"I needed a new fur coat, motherfucker!"

Suddenly, there was a crash nearby through the window. "DON'T WORRY! Antonio the hunter shall slay the wolf!"

"I'm in the middle of something asshole." Grandmano rolled her(his?) eyes. "And you're going to pay for that window dammit!"

Antonio cocked his head. He wasn't needed? How disappointing. "Can I help anyway?"

"No."

The Spanish hunter just pouted in the corner.

"Nanna! I have tomatoes!" Little Red chimed, entering the cabin. She then paused, looking stunned at the doorway. "What are you doing?"

"This guy tried to eat me. I'm going to blow his fucking brains out." Grandmano replied.

"Oh okay. Lets eat tomatoes after that, okay?"

"Mmkay."

The wolf then started to spaz. "WHAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTTTTTT?"

* * *

><p>"Grandmano, how did you even make stew like this?" Bella asked.<p>

"Magic. And because I'm just cool like that."

The Spanish hunter slithered to the table. "I want some too."

Grandmano shot a death stare at Antonio. "Fine. If you eat all the tomatoes, you'll end up in a stew like the wolf."

"But that would be cannibalism!"

"Fine. I'll make your skin into furniture or something."

And the three enjoyed their dinner of wolf stew in peace.

**ZE END**

* * *

><p><strong>AN: I didn't feel like having Netherlands as the wolf because the wolf is like all sly and such. Netherlands is just like, :I all the time. I didn't think it fit.**

**OH GOD WHAT AM I ON**

**Lets face it, Grandmano is awesome.**


End file.
